Sexy Staff or What You Don't Know About Hogwarts
by Irrestible
Summary: Hermione, Severus, and Remus-three of Hogwarts finest: Romance, Romps, read and Review to find out
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Now, I'm trying to write A Hermione/ older man story. If you don't likey you no readie. Okay? Okay good. On to the thing for those who are ready for it. Everyone is OC

* * *

Hermione stood at her desk, proctoring a test. As a professor at Hogwarts, she had to proctor several test a year.

"Professor Granger," Severus Snape stood at the doorway, fingering his wand. "Professor Lupin would like a word with you in his office; I will take over." On her way out, Severus gave her a wink that no one else had caught. Barely three steps out the classroom, a man rushed her and bombarded her mouth.

"Remus, someone could come by..."

"That's why we're going into the broom closet." Before she could object, she could feel a broom poking her in..._oh that's not broom, Hermione thought._

Twenty enjoyable, blissful moments later, Hermione and Remus stepped out, straightening out their robes.

"So, I'll see you later then; my room or yours?

"Yours; we were in mine yesterday, Moony." Hermione rubbed at a major love bit on her neck; when the full moon came around, Remus sure became passionate.

* * *

Later that night, Hermione walked calmly into his room, looking for Remus. She spotted him worked at his desk; Hermione walked behind him pressing her breasts into his back.

"Professor Lupin, I forgot to do my Charms homework; Professor Flitwick sent me here to see wood." Remus could feel himself getting hard.

"Oh well we can't have that." He sat her on his lap. "Now you bend over and take it."

He took down a cane from the wall, and began to spank her.

What most people don't know about Hermione Granger was that she was kinky as kinky could get.

She sat up and kissed Remus. "Bed," He growled. He threw her over his shoulder and slapped her on her ass. She noticed that he had changed his sheets to silk instead of the usually cotton.

"Remus, why did you change your sheets? The cotton was fine." He lifted his head from her neck.

"They tore in the wash." He reached down, down, down until he reached that sacred spot. Hermione gasped in surprise, "Oh, that's the ticket isn't it?" He grinned, teasing her.

"You're the devil, Remus Jonathan Lupin. Oh God!" She grabbed any spare sheet she could gather up: he had changed the sheets to be tortureous.

"I thought I was the devil; now I'm God; works for me." A few intense minutes later, Hermione turned the tables.

"Hermione, if I could the chose the moment I died; I think this would be it." She stopped for a few seconds, smirking at him. Before he could contain it, he howled.

"Remus," she said, finishing up, "did you cast a silencing charm?"

Remus finally caught his breath, "No, I thought you did."

They looked at each other and waited for someone to tell them to keep it down. Sure enough, Severus Snape stood outside of the door, looking murderous.

Hermione, lucky for Snape, answered the door.

"If you and that bloody werewolf don't keep it down, I will _not_ be responsible for my actions; is that clear, Ms. Granger?" She nodded, trying not to laugh: a particular bottle was poking out of Severus' pocket: Motion Lotion. Apparently, Severus Snape _did_ get lonely.

"I understand Severus. I hope you have motion-filled, I mean, marvelous filled night," said Remus, standing behind Hermione.

* * *

AN: Good and descriptive enough for everyone? Okay now tell me what you liked to see more of:

Hermione/Severus

or

Hermione/Remus


	2. The Potions Master's Lack of Control

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Now, I'm trying to write A Hermione/ older man story. If you don't likey you no readie. Okay? Okay good. On to the thing for those who are ready for it. Everyone is OC

* * *

I decided Severus deserves some so here it goes....

Severus Snape walked into his chamber, looking perturbed. Something was in disarray, he could feel it.

A voice from the shadows confirmed his suspicions. "Severus, come and play with me." _Hermione, she is the only woman that could ever be in my rooms without permission. _

"I can't I have a detention with a student."

"Then let me come along. I'll be perfectly silent."

At this he snorted, "Yeah, but there's no guarantee that I will." Hermione's golden eyes looked at the floor. "Come along if you must." He knew he was displaying major insensitivity but he knew he couldn't get too used to her being here: it would only be a matter of time before she found someone better. He tossed his invisibility cloak at her, "Follow me into the room and don't make any noise." Hermione followed him and sat under his desk. _I am going to get Severus so good this time. He won't be quiet when I'm done with him._

Severus sat the desk watching the pitiful first year cower in his seat. Hermione listened, wanting to make sure that the sound of Severus' zipper coming undone could not be heard; the boiling of the potion secures her thoughts. _Now, to go to work. _

"Ugh...." The Potions Master was slowly using a fighting battle with himself; as a master of self control, he was failing pitifully. The first year looked up from his work and stared at his professor.

"Professor, are you alright? You look very pale. Do I need to get the nurse?"  
"Ugh...no, get back work, Chamberlain." The first year still stood at the door, ready to leave. "I MEAN IT! NOW." The first year, Chamberlain, slowly walked back to his desk, watching his professor as if he were mental. Severus' grip on the table crushed the granite table.

"I'm going to get Madame Pomprey, Professor." The first year skirted out before he could call him back.

A voice mumbled from under the desk.

"I can't understand you with your mouth full, Hermione." Hermione came out from under the desk, albeit ungracefully and straightened her robes.

"I said, you can't control yourself very well for a master of the tantric arts."

Severus put a finger to her lips silencing her. "You have to learn with to release and when to let go. And now I need to release."

"You just did in my mouth."

Pulling her into the bedroom, Severus released and released for the next three hours.

Standing outside the door was Albus Dumbledore with the trembling first year.

Albus Dumbledore, with his insane hearing, decided it was a good idea to explain the matter to Mr. Chamberlain over tea. When he was older, much older. And maybe when they were slightly drunk.


	3. Dumbledore's Desk

Hermione/Remus

I will update a Severus/Hermione later

* * *

Remus sat up late, marking papers. He shifted uncomfortable in his seat and he could see Hermione's sleeping form from the open door. _This is so hard, with something so tempting only a few inches away. _

A sleepy voice called out him, "Remus? Can you come to bed; it's four in the morning?"

Remus took off his glasses and placed them on the table. "Dear you know I have to finish this. I will be there in five more minutes."

Hermione sat up and sauntered over to his desk and sat on top of it. _Just lovely, I'm never going to get any work done with this kind of distraction. _Hermione stretched her arms above her head and tilted her head back. _But what a lovely one it is. _

Remus stood up and looked down at her, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good. No good. So please take your pleasantly perky bottom and go back to bed. You know-"

Not one to be thrown out so easily, she nipped at his bottom lip and suckled it. _Dear sweet holy mother of God_, _I'm definitely not going to get any work done. _

Hermione broke the kiss before it got too hot. "Now I'm going to bed; good night, dear."

Remus sat back down in the chair with a grunt. _Now I'm hard with no girlfriend to play with. _Sighing, knowing that he wouldn't get any work done until he got rid of the erection; he stroked it making sure he didn't wake Hermione.

He looked to bedroom and saw that she wasn't there he began to look around.

"Remus, how are you going to explain the semen on your report to Dumbledore?"

He groaned. _Now I have to start all over again. _

"You little wretch," he whispered playfully, "I will get you back."

"Come to bed."

"Alright, but now kissing, or teasing, "Remus said, knowing fully well that wasn't going to stop this know-it-all.

* * *

The next afternoon, Hermione sat in Dumbledore's office, filing. She sat at his desk and looked at the slowing opening door. She walked in front of the desk and began to back up as she saw who it was.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" She asked, trying not to sound

"I told you that I would get you back." He walked slowly over to her and she found that she was backed not a corner but a hard desk.

Remus whispered into her ear, "I told you, my dear."

"We can't do it _here_, Remus."

He gave a short laugh, "Didn't you say that you wanted to do it on Dumbledore's desk?"

"It's 3 in the afternoon, Remus, "He kissed that one spot on her neck,"God, you are insatiable!" Even though she tried to act like it wasn't appealing, it really got her going.

"The entire situation is under control; Albus won't be back for a while. Did you notice that all the paintings are not here?"

She glanced around and nodded "All right."

Things started to heat up until they heard a giggle that sounded strangely like…McGonagall._ Oh shit, Dumbledore wasn't supposed to be back for another three hours._

"Shh! Albus, do you want to wake up half the castle?"

"It's three in the afternoon, Minerva, not three in the morning. No one is here."

Hermione pushed Remus off her and jumped behind the desk. Remus looked at her like she had lost it. "GET OVER HERE!" She motioned and he felt incredible moronic but he did it.

They were in the office forever.

And now Hermione and Remus know that even after 150, you can still have a wonderful sex life and multiple orgasms.

But they were pretty sure didn't want to find out like that.

They found several things they didn't want to know.

A. McGonagall wears black thongs

B. Dumbledore wears boxers. Green plaid to be exact.

C. Wizard condoms come in extra extra large

D. That whipped cream is good for foreplay.

E. That Dumbledore would have a hell of a time explaining to the faculty why there was semen on their memos.

* * *

AN: I know there is the spell but I thought it helped the story.Hope you like it and review please! Please update it's like Red Bull for a writer. Thanks for your patience. 


	4. Learning on a Dusky Afternoon

Remus and Hermione again...I know, I know, don't turn into a bunch of whiney Slytherin babies. I had this in my computer and need to get rid of space. Hermione/Severus will come back if you demand it.

Oh yeah... No part of these characters belong to me not even the motion lotion in Severus' pockets, if I did own them be sure they would be part of my own twisted reality.

Enough of my blabber...onward ho!

* * *

Remus sat in his study grading papers, looking out to the sunset, when he noticed something funny. 

There was someone else in the lake beside the Giant Squid: it was Hermione.

Suddenly fancying a swim, he shed his shabby clothes and put on his bathing suit.

By the time he got down there, the stars began to twinkle in the sky.

"Hermione, can I join you?" Hermione jumped at the sound of his voice but relaxed and nodded.

"Sure, Professor Lupin; the water's just fine."

Remus waded slowly giving Hermione time to notice the cords in Remus' abdomen rippling in response to the coldness.

Getting a few strokes in, Remus decided to ask some questions. "Hermione can I ask you something?"

"You just did, but go ahead?"

"Why are you here? I mean, at Hogwarts."

"I just wanted to teach for the longest time and when Albus asked me, I couldn't refuse."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"What?"

"Why has it taken you so long to kiss me?"

Hermione launched herself across the water and landed contently into his arms.  
Remus' hand started to roam and he noticed that Hermione didn't even have a bathing suit on.

"Told you I could get you do anything I want."

"Which was?" Hermione kissed behind his ear and noticed his left leg twitched like a dog. "Make love to me in the lake." Hermione made a mewing sound for him that she knew made him quiver in the right spots

"No." Remus pushed her away.

She pouted and asked, "Why not?'

"Because I'm going to fuck your damn brains out."

Severus Snape stood by the edge of the lake noticing some sounds.

He placed his hand into his pocket and checked for something.

_Motion Lotion check. _

"Remus..." Sitting on the bank of the lake turned into heavy making out.

"Remus, we can't have sex on the bank of the lake."

Flicking her earlobe, "Why not?"

"Because the merpeople are watching us," She sighed, and pulled away. She took the robe she wore down to the lake and covered herself. She grinned mischievously." I'll race to the Quidditch Common Room."

Hermione knew that she was going to get caught by Remus but the chase was fun.

The Gryffindor Quidditch Common Room was the favorite of all the places to hook up and Remus, being a Chaser, had quite a few good times in the Common Room.

Hermione stood in the middle of the room, wearily eyeing the surroundings. Before she could say a word, Remus tackled and they were rolling around on the ground.

Catching their bearing, Remus divulged her on her clothing.

When he finally reached down to the magic push button, she purred.  
Not one to be greedy, she returned the favor.

"Are you going to roar for me, my Gryffindor lion?" He nodded, earning him a quick nip and bite there. "How loud?"

"So loud you won't here anything else."

Here's what Severus learned that dusky afternoon:

Hermione wears red knickers

That werewolves _do _have bigger wands

that Remus a smattering of freckles on his lower back

It won't make go blind and motion lotion is most definitely your friend.


End file.
